Practice and Learn

9. Practice and Learn

Love and LDR is a learning curve. For starters, not everyone was born to handle such a feat. It is not easy and most of the time can be really difficult. Like little children, every step we take can potentially lead us to fall. When we do, it is important to realise that it is a mistake and learn from your mistakes. This can only be done by listening. A communication breakdown means no learning at all and will lead to a potential dead end.

There are many ways of learning, learn from others, learn from the web, learn from books. Not many people will go up to another and ask, how did you do it. So, there are many online sources available not only for LDR, but for varieties of relations. It is sometimes good to hear other people's stories as well and there are even more real life sources.

Like many things in life, the more we practice, the better we get at it. Practice patience, in your answers and in your speech, Its good to put words through your mind before putting them through you tongue. Practice giving, time, attention, and the little gestures that count, like thank you, good night or I love you (And mean it!) Practice communicating, send letter often, email often, and call often. start practicing now!

Exams over! 5 more days to home! 6 more to death

I am too late.

This entry is about life in Penang .

I was too late. I was too late to ask him the questions of his own life. Just 10 days too late for me to say goodbye. I saw him just before I left for my studies in July 2009. He would watch his eldest grandson graduate from heaven.

My late maternal grandfather was born and raised in Penang. The son of a businessman, his father, my great-grandfather was killed by the MPAJA during the second world war. After the war, the family managed to find a small place living in Jelutong. My grandfather was a poor man, was a heavy drinker, a smoker and a gambler. Not very impressive credentials but oh well. The father of six, the family of 9 crammed in a 3 rooms. My grandma was taking part time orders washing clothes for other people and ironing (Ironing in the 1980s and 70s was a really tough job!)

Somewhere along the 1980s, my mum worked in Motorola and made enough money for my grandpa to start a business. He and my grandmother would sell "popiah" and "Pai Ti" at Gurney Drive every day. As a young boy, I lived with my grandparents at their house. It was quite rundown with classic prewar design. The toilets were outside and literily a hole in the ground. There was no shower, just a pool of water covered by corroding zinc roof and a rusting metal door. The shutters were wooden and we wore "ka kiak" or wooden clogs to get around. The kitchen was a section in the wall with a charcoal stove. Up the creeking stairway was a narrow corridor, where great piles of stuff were stacked up and a sewing machine laid at one corner. The roof was right above and it was all darkwood with little incandescent bulbs to light the night. The other two rooms were smaller and had a few aging matresses.

I would use to have a nap and then wake up at the sound of the buffalo hooves. The Indians rode on baffaloes carrying anything from milk to sugarcane. After looking out the shutters, I would go back to sleep. My grandpa would take naps too. Downstairs were these long benches and tables for people to gamble and gather. In the daytime, he would have a stack of old news papers. Tying them up carefully, he made a quick pillow!

He would bring me to breakfast and lunch next door. Where the local hawkers set up shop. He is the only person in the world i ever know who drinks his coffee from the saucer! Then, my uncle would take me to play some pool at the pool centre down the block. Next door was a famous "Tau Sar Peah" company. We got free boxes of "Dragonball biscuits" every now and then, and presently, they are located at BJ Complex in Penang. Those were the vivid memories I could recall.

By night, I would join my grandparents at Gurney Drive where they made a living. Every day, my grandpa would pedal his stall 6km from Jelutong to Gurney. Before that, he would prepare the skins, the cups, the turnips and all the condiments. The stall ran on carcoal and was bought from the local supplier. He made the best Popiah there was.

In 1994, my great-grandmother passed away. In 1997, me and my grandparents had a holiday in the USA. In 2001, the Jelutong highway was built and the old house torn down. By then, all my uncles and aunties were working and flown the coop, leaving my grandparents to move to Green Lane Heights. Later in 2004, my grandfather started a battle with diabetes which would lead him to a bypass heart surgery and leave him with less two feet, cataract on both eyes and hearing loss. He would live on for many more years until 18th Nov 2009.

However little in material things he had, he had always been rich in love for his grandchildren. Even without an education, he worked a decent life to feed his family and himself, enjoying life all the way. Have you ever felt that the more we have, the less we tend to give? It took so long for me to realise that I have not thanked him before for what he did in my life. It took so long till I got to the point where I was mature enough to value my heritage and want to find out more about my ancestor. But now, sad to say:

I am too late.

To my beloved Ah Kong, rest in peace.

Ah Kong and his grand children (2005 picture)

8. Get out of temptation.

8. Get out of temptation.

Too often have I been strangled by the hands of temptation. Visiting places like Europe and Australia, I can only watch helplessly as couples engage in public display of affection. I am not digusted. Just really jealous that these people have the privilage of being with their loved ones. And just to make things clear, French Kissing did not originate from France at all, but in places like Spain and Portugal, love is just everywhere. So, what can the separated person do? Even back at home in conservative Malaysia, one is not free from the sight of couples. Sigh, to hold my loved one would be a wish right now.

Stay out of tempation! Although people all around you are doing it, you have to save that feeling for later when you get back. In the words of a wise Man,"If your left eye causes you to sin, then pluck it out." Not that harse. Keep a distance from temptation or it will get you!

Exams over.

Rest in Peace grandpa. I will miss you always.

Go the extra mile.

7. Go the extra mile.

If you are already miles away, this is a good idea. Do something a little extra for your loved ones. Remember the feeling when you get a little extra free ice cream topping on your cone? Sweet. That is how he or she will feel when you do the little things that show you have went a little more for your love. Indeed, love starts with giving, and the best thing is you don't have to give a lot, just give a little, more frequently. (Hint, I also find it really important to give something extra every 28 days). If you don't get it, ask your girl friend. She will be happy to to know that you understand. In fact, i had to give a lil extra yesterday. Even it it means having two hours sleep yesterday. But she did thank me for it. You are welcome babe!

Also, variety is the spice of life. For example, try something new and fresh or find out what your partner likes. Surprises are the sweetest things and some may take less effort than you think. , Make a card, chocolates, flowers, bake a cake, give her a pleasant surprise are places to start, but thats only four ideas and if you don't do more guys, it gets really old really fast! If you want your long distance to work, going the extra mile is not just a requirement, it must become a habit. (Most people take it as a curse!)

Sometimes, our giving may go unrecognised. You may have put in a lot of effort in something you gave and did not receive the thanks you expected. It happens, but then again, time might just turn things around because, you only receive what you give. So if you give love,you will receive love. If you give more than just love, that is exactly what you will get in a relationship.

Last day of EXAMS!! 10 more days to end this LDR!!

Keeping an LDR

As our studies and work call us take us to places, we can sometimes find ourselves separated from the one we love. Certainly many couples have been through it but many do not go past the starting line and even fewer last after that. A cruel world?

I am almost 5 years and 9 months into a long distance relation ship. First it was 500 kilometres. Then it was across the globe. And right now, I'm still far away dreaming about the day I will get to go back for good. Well, there are many ways to make a LDR work. Here are the ones that got me through so far:

1. LDRs can work
2. Prepare to give and sacrifice often
3. Make time for your partner
4. Distractions
5. Set some rules
6. Tell the truth
7. Go the extra mile
8. Get out of temptation
9. Practice and Learn
10.Expect arguements and be forgiving

Tell the truth.

6. Liar Liar pants on fire.

Any person alive who can declare telling the truth everytime must be lying! The road in a relationships has speed bumps, curves and all sort of highway signs. Often, we find ourselves in hot water, where the easiest way out is to tell a lie. For a long distance relationship to work.

One should tell the truth. Always. The truth may not be pleasing to the ear, but ear pleasing words may not be true. In all cases, not many want to be living a lie, so be honest. If something is not going well, or you are not happy with something, tell the truth. Even if it means hurting your partner. What is more hurtful than being blasted by the truth is to discover that your partner had been lying to you.

Trust makes up a large portion of love, and one cannot trust another without the truth. To lie to your partner is to risk losing trust and risk losing your relationship. There are times that the truth may be of disadvantage to you. You might realise that it has been your mistake in something. Trust me, tell the truth and face the music, because it is the brave thing to do and your partner may even reconcile and forgive your deeds. Yet, in the event that telling the truth may ruin your relationship, still tell the truth, it is never too late to find a person who appreciates the true you. Finding the person who is interested in the real you will often result in long term happiness.

So, to sum it up, thou shall tell the truth, or suffer the consequences, Mwhahaha...

1. LDRs can work
2. Prepare to give and sacrifice often
3. Make time for your partner
4. Distractions
5. Set some rules
6. Tell the truth
7. Go the extra mile
8. Get out of temptation
9. Practice and Learn
10.Expect arguements and be forgiving

Love is a game, you make the rules.

Figure 1: Sample rules, just for laughs. (Surprisingly enough, they hold some truth!)

5. Love is a game, you make the rules.

I wonder how true this statement is but it is honestly not mine, yet a good one to ponder on
How can there be love when there are rules you ask? In fact, love requires the utmost discipline you can imagine and those who are in the same boat would agree. Especially true is with LDRs. There are certain rules that are implied and some rules that need to be agreed upon.

The implied rules differ significantly from person to person, so it would be best to know your partner and think the best for them. You might want to actively ask whether doing something is alright with your partner especially when you are oceans apart. Just making the effort will really win a girl's heart where as guys have a range of responses. Implied rules may include no touching or no scoping and I reiterate, is strictly up to your individual partner. You may sometimes find some rules unacceptable, but these if these rules come from your partner, it reveals another part of him or her. Take note and act wisely.

The other more tangible rules may involve how often we keep in touch or how long for. Some may question, "But isn't talking as long as possible better?" Not necessarily. It is good to talk often but not for too long. There are many reasons to keep your contact time moderately long. Among other things, the longer you talk, the less time you have to fulfill your purpose being so far in the first place. You might also exhaust the list of things to talk about and your contact time may not be as filled with content when you first started. Also, most people will be using Skype, Facebook, MSN or some other computer applications. Remember, sitting in front of the computer is not a healthy thing to do, and you may very well end up contributing a lot more to the optician.

Just to complete the post, here are some of the LDR rules that you can consider abiding:
1. If you are in different time zones expecially, set your time limits.
2. When you have quality time, make sure it is quality.
3. Assignment due tomorrow has priority over MSN or Skype.
4. Thou shall not make me jealous.
5. I will for give you if u are sorry.

Just remember, rules can change, so keep reminding each other if one forgets.

1. LDRs can work
2. Prepare to give and sacrifice often
3. Make time for your partner
4. Distractions
5. Set some rules
6. Tell the truth
7. Go the extra mile
8. Get out of temptation
9. Practice and Learn
10.Expect arguements and be forgiving

Distractions.

4. Keep your mind from missing her/him too much

The feelings can be overwhelming. Missing your favorite man or woman is a feeling that cannot be described, only experienced. Trust me, it sucks, but that's life. It a sad feeling being alone, so avoid that feeling. Get distracted! Relationships can’t be your life. The more you try to improve on your relationship, the more you might me trying too hard, and wasting your precious time developing yourself. So keep your schedules busy and keep that feeling at bay until he or she come back into your arms.

Among the best ways to get distracted include:

1. Surround yourself with friends. Ah.. What better way to take away the feeling of loneliness with more friends.
2. Get a hobby. Keeping your fingers busy will take your mind of the missing feeling. Read a book, blog about something but just keep that mind busy from wandering into the feeling.
3. Plan your day so that you just ample time to have a balance.
4. Learn a new skill. The more skills you learn, the more valuable you are because knowledge is an asset that you carry with you. Academic knowledge is the least useful. Communication skills, accounting, babysitting are all examples of practical skills that are priceless

There are also plenty of ways one can distract oneself from missing the other half, but for every good way, there are ten bad ways that will distract you and definitely make you feel worse.

However, suppose that you are well distracted from the feelings that make you want to crack, time will pass by faster and in no time, you will be reunited with that special someone. Indeed, my 5 months in Melbourne are nearly up! Just a few more days to go!
1. LDRs can work
2. Prepare to give and sacrifice often
3. Make time for your partner
4. Distractions
5. Set some rules
6. Tell the truth
7. Go the extra mile
8. Get out of temptation
9. Practice and Learn
10.Expect arguements and be forgiving

Make time for your partner.

3. Make time for your partner.

In this modern world we are all busy. We have our things to do, our stack of reports pending and a whole other list of God know's what to do. Most of us find ourselves in LDRs not because we want to, but because some part of our life, be it job or studies has placed us there. In the hassle of it all, make sure you make time.

More often than not, we are lazy, and we lie to ourselves by blaming it on our busy schedule. Undoubtedly, busy people are also lazy people. I have been guilty of not making enough time for my Babe in the past but I hope I can redeem myself from now onwards.

Time in this context means quality time, time which is only dedicated to the both of you where you can give your fullest attention. I do this by making sure that I do not do other things besides being there for her. Surely, time is one of the most important factors in a relationship. Without time, we cannot discover who we are truly with. With every second spent, you know your partner better and come closer.

Because you are in a LDR, this quality time becomes more important as it might be the only thing that will keep your relationship going.

1. LDRs can work
2. Prepare to give and sacrifice often
3. Make time for your partner
4. Distractions
5. Set some rules
6. Tell the truth
7. Go the extra mile
8. Get out of temptation
9. Practice and Learn
10.Expect arguements and be forgiving

Sacrifice

2. Prepare to give and sacrifice

Ah.. one of the strongest words in the world. When different people think of sacrifice, different thoughts are invoked. Well, unfortunately, a LDR involves sacrificing many things, and constantly. Time, money effort, sleep, patience, thought, even tears are the basic things on the list. You will have to learn how to give and give more to receive and receive more. Indeed the definition of sacrifice is among other things, "the forfeiture of something highly valued for the sake of one considered to have a greater value or claim."

Interestingly among the highlight of things that I have sacrificed over the year include, an all expense paid Dim Sum lunch at one of London's most expensive Chinese restaurants, just under a litre of tears, whole days, opportunity costs and a man's ego. Was it worth it? Well, I hope to find out in the near future, but I hope it will all be worth the wait.

What to sacrifice?

Even more important than sacrifice is what to sacrifice and what not to. Note that different people value different things and different people value sacrifice differently. Don't be caught not knowing why you could have given so much but not given the return you expected. Well, it is because that's the return you expected and not what your partner expected. Be sure to do some research and weighing on what you are able to give and what not. Measure the value of what you are giving up. For instance, giving up your health is not a very wise thing to do.

So, to sum it up, give and thou shall receive.

1. LDRs can work
2. Prepare to give and sacrifice often
3. Make time for your partner
4. Distractions
5. Set some rules
6. Tell the truth
7. Go the extra mile
8. Get out of temptation
9. Practice and Learn
10.Expect arguements and be forgiving

LDRs can work!

1. Long Distance Relationships can work!

Before I bade farewell to my Babe at the start of our LDR, I made it very clear in my mind that we were going to pull this through. After almost 6 years, here we are! We are still student living on a shoestring budget yet, we somehow managed to keep our relationship alive and kicking.
Despite all the negative stigma, LDR can be made to work. You just have to want it so much to work. Remember, it will not be permanent.

When there is a will, there is a way. It is not easy but if you find someone worth holding on to for the rest of your life, then the added effort will not go to waste at all. Learn the implied things that is expected and learn the techniques that can be used. Set up rules and make sure you make time for your partner. These are just simplest things but the most fundamental things that will ensure that love can flourish when physical contact is removed.

LDR is also quite important in a way that it tests your love and your dedication. So a person with dedication and true love would no have so much problems going into one.
Be sure you know what you are committing yourself to first. No offence but make sure that it is really love thats going on. The type that you can see yourself together with that special person for a very long time to come. Otherwise, LDR might be an excuse to move on. I guess that is what many people end up with, not being able to tell the difference between an LDR and an excuse.

The lesson here: To survive a LDR, you have to learn how. There are many tips, logical and interesting ways you and resources all over that will help you stay together despite the distance. Look for motivation or inspiration from people who have lasted and finished the LDR race to live happily ever after.

1. LDRs can work
2. Prepare to give and sacrifice often
3. Make time for your partner
4. Distractions
5. Set some rules
6. Tell the truth
7. Go the extra mile
8. Get out of temptation
9. Practice and Learn
10.Expect arguements and be forgiving

Top Ten Most Romantic Places in the world

Ever wondered where in the world are the most romantic places to visit? Look no further!
Here is a top ten list of the most romantic getaways the world has to offer!

Number 10 - Fiji, Republic of Fiji



Pristine white beach sand between your toes; warm sea breezes whispering through palm tree fronds overhead; sweet fragrance of tropical flowers floating through the air; distant sounds of drums and harmonious singing; breathtaking sunsets reflecting off azure water. Yes, Fiji is romance.

Number 9- French Riviera, France

Nice, Cannes, St-Tropez, Cap-Ferrat and Cap d’Antibes… for decades, the picturesque seaside towns of the Mediterranean have lured the rich, the famous, and the beautiful to the French Riviera.

Yet the area’s golden sunshine, clear turquoise waters, and pastel-colored bistros and hotels also make the Cote d’Azur the perfect spot for a South of France romantic getaway.

Number 8 - Tahiti, French Polynesia

Each of the many islands of Tahiti is a tiny paradise. Some isles are crowned with jagged peaks soaring magically out of the ocean in an explosion of green velvet while others appear as if gracefully tossed upon the ocean – barely floating above the breaking waves

Number 7 - London, England

After staying in London for 2 years.. I must admit that I can't imagine it being such a romantic place. But yet, there are many attractions fit for the romance seeker. After all, London is the centre of the world.

Number 6 - Sydney, Australia Want some ultimate romantic touches? Enjoy a candlelight dinner, then cruise your way to the Opera House for an evening of entertainment. Take a seaplane journey over the Harbour on your way to a private stretch of beach for lunch, or even on to the Hunter Valley for dinner and tastings at a wine cellar.As you can see, Sydney provides an amazing variety of romantic escapes to make any vist unique and unforgettable, allowing you to do (or not do) as much as you might wish, from wine tastings to wildlife viewing, from vibrant city life to secluded beaches, to cruises on the Harbour to scenic flights over the Harbour on your way to dinner.

Number 5 - Florence, Italy Florence is the capital of the region of Tuscany, on Italy's north-west coast. A good reference point for navigating your way around Florence is its central train station, Santa Maria Novella, although the Duomo is pretty hard to miss. You can walk from one end of the city center to the other in about 30 minutes. There are plenty of tours available for tourists to learn about the city's amazing history and see breathtaking buildings found in courtyards you'd probably miss without a guide. Florence is a great place for honeymooners as the city's flair most definitely has a hint of romance in it.

Number 4 - BahamasNassau, the capital, adds a grand British undertone to island life. Pink government buildings at Rawson Square (actually a circle) face cruise ships whose passengers are drawn to a day of duty-free shopping downtown. A new museum interpreting the colorful Junkanoo tradition is tucked at wharfside in the ships' shadows. Tiny pubs and restaurants dot Nassau's narrow side streets. And a bustling straw market houses hundreds of vendors ready to bargain with souvenir merchandise. You can even catch a ride on a horse drawn carriage.Cross the bridge to Paradise Island where beaches are first-class and the resort selection is excellent -- from upscale chic on stately estate grounds, to a yoga retreat, condo facilities (great for family vacations), and large luxury properties (one with a glass tunnel for viewing marine life and a low-key water park). Activity abounds at every turn. Paradise Island has an excellent golf course and its own small airport.Grand Bahama, with resort development at both Freeport and Lucaya, has the same features on a smaller scale. Golf, tennis, watersports and duty-free shopping are popular and plentiful. And the island moves at a leisurely pace.

Number 3 - Venice, Italy Venetians will host you in elegance, talented musicians and singers will serenade you at candlelit dinner tables, and you can recline in a gondola with your love, gliding gently along an enchanted Venetian canal. Join Goethe, Byron, Dickens, Rousseau, Rubinstein and many more artists, musicians, poets world travelers, adventurers and other seekers of culture and comfort who found a place of inspiration and refuge in Venice.

Number 2 - Rome, Italy Rome has scores of beautiful romantic lanes, restaurants and parks. However, lovers may find that crowds can be off-putting, and the tourist industry leads them away from the quainter local corners. Try escaping the crowds down the small medieval lanes leading from the busy squares - around both Campo de' Fiori and Piazza Navona there are plenty of pretty corners where you can escape the worst of the crowds. Wandering along these lanes arm-in-arm is a romantic experience in itself, but you could add to the moment by visiting some of the smaller bars and restaurants you'll find here, catering for locals as well as tourists.

Number 1 - Paris, FranceIt is recommended that everyone visits Paris atleast once in a lifetime...For the city is unique in its style and the restaurents with tents overhead are a treat to watch and relax...and if you have a good companion with you that will add to the fun ..one will definately fall in love with the city with its charm and romantic feeling. There is certainly romance in the air of this famous city.

You've seen the scene in almost every romance set in Paris: a couple embraces for a deep kiss on a bridge overlooking the Seine River. There's a reason filmmakers use this image. It's wonderfully romantic. Take your honey to the nearest bridge, walk to the center and get smooching. Fancy a French kiss anyone?

And if you're still wondering, yes, I will bring you to all these places babe!

Sick! Sick!

I hope it is not swine flu!! Symptoms: Feverish, dry throat, feeling hot, headaches.

Well, it all started when 2 months ago when I joined the US stock markets which opens from 9.30am to 5.00pm US time. Thats 12.30am till 7.00am Australian time. For two months, I spent my nites and mornings trading ficticious funds courtesy of Credit Suisse. I'll blog about that soon, but the whole point is that wow, 2 months of shifting your sleep patterns does make your head go nuts.

Things got worse 2 days ago when the weather got wonky. Probably thats why they call it under the weather. The outside temperature was going cookoo. The mercury touched 28 degrees celcius and everyone was either taking their clothes off or heading to the pool in their bikinis!

Anyway, that nite,I made the fateful mistake of chewing mint gum! Okay, here's the bad thing about gum. Although it keeps your breath fresh, you would not want to chew it at night as it contains phenylalanine, a chemical which keeps you awake, make you anxious and gives you insomnia. Right, so I did my chewing and in the middle of that, I was juggling studying with Rubik's cube when suddenly I bit my mouth! Ouch.

When i decided to go to bed, not only was it too warm with the windows fully open, the effects of the gum started kicking in. From 2am till 6am i lied on my bed. Feeling anxious and letting the world go through my head. My eyes were tired, but the mind would not stop thinking. The anxiety just kept growing. At 4am, unfortunately, some birds decided to wake up to greet the sunlight(daylight savings time in the summer) And, lucky me, my room is on the 3rd floor and my balcony is right in front of the trees. Great, I did not know that birds can sing so loud! Funny enough, this only happens when there is fog.

Fine, so I got up at 6am and decided to go for a walk around the uni. The most desolate feeling ever. The sound of the traffic lights greeted me on the roads. (In Australia, traffic lights make knocking noise!) Not a soul or a car in sight. I took some pictures cause Melbourne is seldom foggy. By 7.00am, I was alredy in my room making breakfast. Some catching up with the newspaper, and by 8am, I was dead on the bed. By 12pm, my hunger pangs woke me up for lunch and the day resumed.

That night, I made another mistake. My housemate brought back a bag of dried chilli. I miss chilli but I gues putting a large pinch into a small bowl of soup is not a good idea. Checking up on the mouth i bit, I has now become an infected ulcer and I can feel my immune system waging war on the foreign organisms invading. Talk about a series of unfortunate events.

Time to hit the sack!