Monday, October 26, 2009

Bringing up vs bringing down

When a girl is sad, her girl friends will try to cheer her up by saying this such as, "It's okay, everything will be just fine" etc. The female of the species has a supportive community where everyone tries to bring each other up. On the other hand, guys will taunt and attempt to bring each other down. How many times have you heard name calling like, "Smelly boy" or you "Nerdy boy" amongst boys? The sort of communication aims at improving the other person. The reward for improving is respect. More often than not, these boys grow up to be friends. However, when men and women exchange support and try to bring each other up in their different ways, suddenly the intended meaning is lost in the translation. This goes hand in hand with apologizing. Men come equipped with a really big ego, so saying sorry really takes more effort than you think.

As for women, the way that one woman knows another woman is down is if she is sad. She will know how to comfort her and say nothing. Whereas, a man might offer solutions to a girls problems, when all she needs is for him to shut up and accept it just the way it is. Men usually get wrong signals when women are upset. He will think that there are some things that need to be fixed. He does not know what his girl truly needs. So sulking every other time and expecting the man to bow his head down and give you the red carpet treatment to your heart is like playing with a dragon, dangerous business. There are other ways to seek attention than trying to humble him.

Lesson for guys: Keep your tongue in check when you talk to your girl. There are some things that you should not say to her that you say to your guy friends. Remember, she is sensitive and may misunderstand your joke or humour as insensitivity. Trying to be funny will usually work with friends but make sure you think before you talk. She craves attention and the brining up, so be generous with your efforts in giving attention. When she is down, stop offering solutions as there is usually no problem to fix. She just need your shoulders and comforting. After that, she will be back to her usual lovely self.

Girls: If he slips, understand why he behaves that way and its natural. He might say things that maybe hurtful, but he might just be joking or trying to be funny. Take his remarks with a pinch of salt and tell him if he is it is starting to get annoying. Trying to get his attention by expecting him to be humble is not something you should do often. It takes a toll on his ego and he feels subordinated and will seek to take you down with him. You need attention, but what you might get is detention. When you are down, tell him that you are feeling down without blaming too much on him (unless he is to blame).

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