AWOL!

Haha.. This has been a great and hectic holiday so far! I have been absent without leave for some time being worried and preoccupied with so many issues in the past month.

Among the highlights before this chapter of the year comes to a close are:

Exams gone wild.

Diving into the land of the Lion,

Office Politix in PwC office

IPawned my IPhone

and QE2!!

Look out!

Practice and Learn

9. Practice and Learn

Love and LDR is a learning curve. For starters, not everyone was born to handle such a feat. It is not easy and most of the time can be really difficult. Like little children, every step we take can potentially lead us to fall. When we do, it is important to realise that it is a mistake and learn from your mistakes. This can only be done by listening. A communication breakdown means no learning at all and will lead to a potential dead end.

There are many ways of learning, learn from others, learn from the web, learn from books. Not many people will go up to another and ask, how did you do it. So, there are many online sources available not only for LDR, but for varieties of relations. It is sometimes good to hear other people's stories as well and there are even more real life sources.

Like many things in life, the more we practice, the better we get at it. Practice patience, in your answers and in your speech, Its good to put words through your mind before putting them through you tongue. Practice giving, time, attention, and the little gestures that count, like thank you, good night or I love you (And mean it!) Practice communicating, send letter often, email often, and call often. start practicing now!

Exams over! 5 more days to home! 6 more to death

I am too late.

This entry is about life in Penang .

I was too late. I was too late to ask him the questions of his own life. Just 10 days too late for me to say goodbye. I saw him just before I left for my studies in July 2009. He would watch his eldest grandson graduate from heaven.

My late maternal grandfather was born and raised in Penang. The son of a businessman, his father, my great-grandfather was killed by the MPAJA during the second world war. After the war, the family managed to find a small place living in Jelutong. My grandfather was a poor man, was a heavy drinker, a smoker and a gambler. Not very impressive credentials but oh well. The father of six, the family of 9 crammed in a 3 rooms. My grandma was taking part time orders washing clothes for other people and ironing (Ironing in the 1980s and 70s was a really tough job!)

Somewhere along the 1980s, my mum worked in Motorola and made enough money for my grandpa to start a business. He and my grandmother would sell "popiah" and "Pai Ti" at Gurney Drive every day. As a young boy, I lived with my grandparents at their house. It was quite rundown with classic prewar design. The toilets were outside and literily a hole in the ground. There was no shower, just a pool of water covered by corroding zinc roof and a rusting metal door. The shutters were wooden and we wore "ka kiak" or wooden clogs to get around. The kitchen was a section in the wall with a charcoal stove. Up the creeking stairway was a narrow corridor, where great piles of stuff were stacked up and a sewing machine laid at one corner. The roof was right above and it was all darkwood with little incandescent bulbs to light the night. The other two rooms were smaller and had a few aging matresses.

I would use to have a nap and then wake up at the sound of the buffalo hooves. The Indians rode on baffaloes carrying anything from milk to sugarcane. After looking out the shutters, I would go back to sleep. My grandpa would take naps too. Downstairs were these long benches and tables for people to gamble and gather. In the daytime, he would have a stack of old news papers. Tying them up carefully, he made a quick pillow!

He would bring me to breakfast and lunch next door. Where the local hawkers set up shop. He is the only person in the world i ever know who drinks his coffee from the saucer! Then, my uncle would take me to play some pool at the pool centre down the block. Next door was a famous "Tau Sar Peah" company. We got free boxes of "Dragonball biscuits" every now and then, and presently, they are located at BJ Complex in Penang. Those were the vivid memories I could recall.

By night, I would join my grandparents at Gurney Drive where they made a living. Every day, my grandpa would pedal his stall 6km from Jelutong to Gurney. Before that, he would prepare the skins, the cups, the turnips and all the condiments. The stall ran on carcoal and was bought from the local supplier. He made the best Popiah there was.

In 1994, my great-grandmother passed away. In 1997, me and my grandparents had a holiday in the USA. In 2001, the Jelutong highway was built and the old house torn down. By then, all my uncles and aunties were working and flown the coop, leaving my grandparents to move to Green Lane Heights. Later in 2004, my grandfather started a battle with diabetes which would lead him to a bypass heart surgery and leave him with less two feet, cataract on both eyes and hearing loss. He would live on for many more years until 18th Nov 2009.

However little in material things he had, he had always been rich in love for his grandchildren. Even without an education, he worked a decent life to feed his family and himself, enjoying life all the way. Have you ever felt that the more we have, the less we tend to give? It took so long for me to realise that I have not thanked him before for what he did in my life. It took so long till I got to the point where I was mature enough to value my heritage and want to find out more about my ancestor. But now, sad to say:

I am too late.

To my beloved Ah Kong, rest in peace.

Ah Kong and his grand children (2005 picture)

8. Get out of temptation.

8. Get out of temptation.

Too often have I been strangled by the hands of temptation. Visiting places like Europe and Australia, I can only watch helplessly as couples engage in public display of affection. I am not digusted. Just really jealous that these people have the privilage of being with their loved ones. And just to make things clear, French Kissing did not originate from France at all, but in places like Spain and Portugal, love is just everywhere. So, what can the separated person do? Even back at home in conservative Malaysia, one is not free from the sight of couples. Sigh, to hold my loved one would be a wish right now.

Stay out of tempation! Although people all around you are doing it, you have to save that feeling for later when you get back. In the words of a wise Man,"If your left eye causes you to sin, then pluck it out." Not that harse. Keep a distance from temptation or it will get you!

Exams over.

Rest in Peace grandpa. I will miss you always.

Go the extra mile.

7. Go the extra mile.

If you are already miles away, this is a good idea. Do something a little extra for your loved ones. Remember the feeling when you get a little extra free ice cream topping on your cone? Sweet. That is how he or she will feel when you do the little things that show you have went a little more for your love. Indeed, love starts with giving, and the best thing is you don't have to give a lot, just give a little, more frequently. (Hint, I also find it really important to give something extra every 28 days). If you don't get it, ask your girl friend. She will be happy to to know that you understand. In fact, i had to give a lil extra yesterday. Even it it means having two hours sleep yesterday. But she did thank me for it. You are welcome babe!

Also, variety is the spice of life. For example, try something new and fresh or find out what your partner likes. Surprises are the sweetest things and some may take less effort than you think. , Make a card, chocolates, flowers, bake a cake, give her a pleasant surprise are places to start, but thats only four ideas and if you don't do more guys, it gets really old really fast! If you want your long distance to work, going the extra mile is not just a requirement, it must become a habit. (Most people take it as a curse!)

Sometimes, our giving may go unrecognised. You may have put in a lot of effort in something you gave and did not receive the thanks you expected. It happens, but then again, time might just turn things around because, you only receive what you give. So if you give love,you will receive love. If you give more than just love, that is exactly what you will get in a relationship.

Last day of EXAMS!! 10 more days to end this LDR!!

Keeping an LDR

As our studies and work call us take us to places, we can sometimes find ourselves separated from the one we love. Certainly many couples have been through it but many do not go past the starting line and even fewer last after that. A cruel world?

I am almost 5 years and 9 months into a long distance relation ship. First it was 500 kilometres. Then it was across the globe. And right now, I'm still far away dreaming about the day I will get to go back for good. Well, there are many ways to make a LDR work. Here are the ones that got me through so far:

1. LDRs can work
2. Prepare to give and sacrifice often
3. Make time for your partner
4. Distractions
5. Set some rules
6. Tell the truth
7. Go the extra mile
8. Get out of temptation
9. Practice and Learn
10.Expect arguements and be forgiving

Tell the truth.

6. Liar Liar pants on fire.

Any person alive who can declare telling the truth everytime must be lying! The road in a relationships has speed bumps, curves and all sort of highway signs. Often, we find ourselves in hot water, where the easiest way out is to tell a lie. For a long distance relationship to work.

One should tell the truth. Always. The truth may not be pleasing to the ear, but ear pleasing words may not be true. In all cases, not many want to be living a lie, so be honest. If something is not going well, or you are not happy with something, tell the truth. Even if it means hurting your partner. What is more hurtful than being blasted by the truth is to discover that your partner had been lying to you.

Trust makes up a large portion of love, and one cannot trust another without the truth. To lie to your partner is to risk losing trust and risk losing your relationship. There are times that the truth may be of disadvantage to you. You might realise that it has been your mistake in something. Trust me, tell the truth and face the music, because it is the brave thing to do and your partner may even reconcile and forgive your deeds. Yet, in the event that telling the truth may ruin your relationship, still tell the truth, it is never too late to find a person who appreciates the true you. Finding the person who is interested in the real you will often result in long term happiness.

So, to sum it up, thou shall tell the truth, or suffer the consequences, Mwhahaha...

1. LDRs can work
2. Prepare to give and sacrifice often
3. Make time for your partner
4. Distractions
5. Set some rules
6. Tell the truth
7. Go the extra mile
8. Get out of temptation
9. Practice and Learn
10.Expect arguements and be forgiving

Love is a game, you make the rules.

Figure 1: Sample rules, just for laughs. (Surprisingly enough, they hold some truth!)

5. Love is a game, you make the rules.

I wonder how true this statement is but it is honestly not mine, yet a good one to ponder on
How can there be love when there are rules you ask? In fact, love requires the utmost discipline you can imagine and those who are in the same boat would agree. Especially true is with LDRs. There are certain rules that are implied and some rules that need to be agreed upon.

The implied rules differ significantly from person to person, so it would be best to know your partner and think the best for them. You might want to actively ask whether doing something is alright with your partner especially when you are oceans apart. Just making the effort will really win a girl's heart where as guys have a range of responses. Implied rules may include no touching or no scoping and I reiterate, is strictly up to your individual partner. You may sometimes find some rules unacceptable, but these if these rules come from your partner, it reveals another part of him or her. Take note and act wisely.

The other more tangible rules may involve how often we keep in touch or how long for. Some may question, "But isn't talking as long as possible better?" Not necessarily. It is good to talk often but not for too long. There are many reasons to keep your contact time moderately long. Among other things, the longer you talk, the less time you have to fulfill your purpose being so far in the first place. You might also exhaust the list of things to talk about and your contact time may not be as filled with content when you first started. Also, most people will be using Skype, Facebook, MSN or some other computer applications. Remember, sitting in front of the computer is not a healthy thing to do, and you may very well end up contributing a lot more to the optician.

Just to complete the post, here are some of the LDR rules that you can consider abiding:
1. If you are in different time zones expecially, set your time limits.
2. When you have quality time, make sure it is quality.
3. Assignment due tomorrow has priority over MSN or Skype.
4. Thou shall not make me jealous.
5. I will for give you if u are sorry.

Just remember, rules can change, so keep reminding each other if one forgets.

1. LDRs can work
2. Prepare to give and sacrifice often
3. Make time for your partner
4. Distractions
5. Set some rules
6. Tell the truth
7. Go the extra mile
8. Get out of temptation
9. Practice and Learn
10.Expect arguements and be forgiving

Distractions.

4. Keep your mind from missing her/him too much

The feelings can be overwhelming. Missing your favorite man or woman is a feeling that cannot be described, only experienced. Trust me, it sucks, but that's life. It a sad feeling being alone, so avoid that feeling. Get distracted! Relationships can’t be your life. The more you try to improve on your relationship, the more you might me trying too hard, and wasting your precious time developing yourself. So keep your schedules busy and keep that feeling at bay until he or she come back into your arms.

Among the best ways to get distracted include:

1. Surround yourself with friends. Ah.. What better way to take away the feeling of loneliness with more friends.
2. Get a hobby. Keeping your fingers busy will take your mind of the missing feeling. Read a book, blog about something but just keep that mind busy from wandering into the feeling.
3. Plan your day so that you just ample time to have a balance.
4. Learn a new skill. The more skills you learn, the more valuable you are because knowledge is an asset that you carry with you. Academic knowledge is the least useful. Communication skills, accounting, babysitting are all examples of practical skills that are priceless

There are also plenty of ways one can distract oneself from missing the other half, but for every good way, there are ten bad ways that will distract you and definitely make you feel worse.

However, suppose that you are well distracted from the feelings that make you want to crack, time will pass by faster and in no time, you will be reunited with that special someone. Indeed, my 5 months in Melbourne are nearly up! Just a few more days to go!
1. LDRs can work
2. Prepare to give and sacrifice often
3. Make time for your partner
4. Distractions
5. Set some rules
6. Tell the truth
7. Go the extra mile
8. Get out of temptation
9. Practice and Learn
10.Expect arguements and be forgiving

Make time for your partner.

3. Make time for your partner.

In this modern world we are all busy. We have our things to do, our stack of reports pending and a whole other list of God know's what to do. Most of us find ourselves in LDRs not because we want to, but because some part of our life, be it job or studies has placed us there. In the hassle of it all, make sure you make time.

More often than not, we are lazy, and we lie to ourselves by blaming it on our busy schedule. Undoubtedly, busy people are also lazy people. I have been guilty of not making enough time for my Babe in the past but I hope I can redeem myself from now onwards.

Time in this context means quality time, time which is only dedicated to the both of you where you can give your fullest attention. I do this by making sure that I do not do other things besides being there for her. Surely, time is one of the most important factors in a relationship. Without time, we cannot discover who we are truly with. With every second spent, you know your partner better and come closer.

Because you are in a LDR, this quality time becomes more important as it might be the only thing that will keep your relationship going.

1. LDRs can work
2. Prepare to give and sacrifice often
3. Make time for your partner
4. Distractions
5. Set some rules
6. Tell the truth
7. Go the extra mile
8. Get out of temptation
9. Practice and Learn
10.Expect arguements and be forgiving

Sacrifice

2. Prepare to give and sacrifice

Ah.. one of the strongest words in the world. When different people think of sacrifice, different thoughts are invoked. Well, unfortunately, a LDR involves sacrificing many things, and constantly. Time, money effort, sleep, patience, thought, even tears are the basic things on the list. You will have to learn how to give and give more to receive and receive more. Indeed the definition of sacrifice is among other things, "the forfeiture of something highly valued for the sake of one considered to have a greater value or claim."

Interestingly among the highlight of things that I have sacrificed over the year include, an all expense paid Dim Sum lunch at one of London's most expensive Chinese restaurants, just under a litre of tears, whole days, opportunity costs and a man's ego. Was it worth it? Well, I hope to find out in the near future, but I hope it will all be worth the wait.

What to sacrifice?

Even more important than sacrifice is what to sacrifice and what not to. Note that different people value different things and different people value sacrifice differently. Don't be caught not knowing why you could have given so much but not given the return you expected. Well, it is because that's the return you expected and not what your partner expected. Be sure to do some research and weighing on what you are able to give and what not. Measure the value of what you are giving up. For instance, giving up your health is not a very wise thing to do.

So, to sum it up, give and thou shall receive.

1. LDRs can work
2. Prepare to give and sacrifice often
3. Make time for your partner
4. Distractions
5. Set some rules
6. Tell the truth
7. Go the extra mile
8. Get out of temptation
9. Practice and Learn
10.Expect arguements and be forgiving

LDRs can work!

1. Long Distance Relationships can work!

Before I bade farewell to my Babe at the start of our LDR, I made it very clear in my mind that we were going to pull this through. After almost 6 years, here we are! We are still student living on a shoestring budget yet, we somehow managed to keep our relationship alive and kicking.
Despite all the negative stigma, LDR can be made to work. You just have to want it so much to work. Remember, it will not be permanent.

When there is a will, there is a way. It is not easy but if you find someone worth holding on to for the rest of your life, then the added effort will not go to waste at all. Learn the implied things that is expected and learn the techniques that can be used. Set up rules and make sure you make time for your partner. These are just simplest things but the most fundamental things that will ensure that love can flourish when physical contact is removed.

LDR is also quite important in a way that it tests your love and your dedication. So a person with dedication and true love would no have so much problems going into one.
Be sure you know what you are committing yourself to first. No offence but make sure that it is really love thats going on. The type that you can see yourself together with that special person for a very long time to come. Otherwise, LDR might be an excuse to move on. I guess that is what many people end up with, not being able to tell the difference between an LDR and an excuse.

The lesson here: To survive a LDR, you have to learn how. There are many tips, logical and interesting ways you and resources all over that will help you stay together despite the distance. Look for motivation or inspiration from people who have lasted and finished the LDR race to live happily ever after.

1. LDRs can work
2. Prepare to give and sacrifice often
3. Make time for your partner
4. Distractions
5. Set some rules
6. Tell the truth
7. Go the extra mile
8. Get out of temptation
9. Practice and Learn
10.Expect arguements and be forgiving

Top Ten Most Romantic Places in the world

Ever wondered where in the world are the most romantic places to visit? Look no further!
Here is a top ten list of the most romantic getaways the world has to offer!

Number 10 - Fiji, Republic of Fiji



Pristine white beach sand between your toes; warm sea breezes whispering through palm tree fronds overhead; sweet fragrance of tropical flowers floating through the air; distant sounds of drums and harmonious singing; breathtaking sunsets reflecting off azure water. Yes, Fiji is romance.

Number 9- French Riviera, France

Nice, Cannes, St-Tropez, Cap-Ferrat and Cap d’Antibes… for decades, the picturesque seaside towns of the Mediterranean have lured the rich, the famous, and the beautiful to the French Riviera.

Yet the area’s golden sunshine, clear turquoise waters, and pastel-colored bistros and hotels also make the Cote d’Azur the perfect spot for a South of France romantic getaway.

Number 8 - Tahiti, French Polynesia

Each of the many islands of Tahiti is a tiny paradise. Some isles are crowned with jagged peaks soaring magically out of the ocean in an explosion of green velvet while others appear as if gracefully tossed upon the ocean – barely floating above the breaking waves

Number 7 - London, England

After staying in London for 2 years.. I must admit that I can't imagine it being such a romantic place. But yet, there are many attractions fit for the romance seeker. After all, London is the centre of the world.

Number 6 - Sydney, Australia Want some ultimate romantic touches? Enjoy a candlelight dinner, then cruise your way to the Opera House for an evening of entertainment. Take a seaplane journey over the Harbour on your way to a private stretch of beach for lunch, or even on to the Hunter Valley for dinner and tastings at a wine cellar.As you can see, Sydney provides an amazing variety of romantic escapes to make any vist unique and unforgettable, allowing you to do (or not do) as much as you might wish, from wine tastings to wildlife viewing, from vibrant city life to secluded beaches, to cruises on the Harbour to scenic flights over the Harbour on your way to dinner.

Number 5 - Florence, Italy Florence is the capital of the region of Tuscany, on Italy's north-west coast. A good reference point for navigating your way around Florence is its central train station, Santa Maria Novella, although the Duomo is pretty hard to miss. You can walk from one end of the city center to the other in about 30 minutes. There are plenty of tours available for tourists to learn about the city's amazing history and see breathtaking buildings found in courtyards you'd probably miss without a guide. Florence is a great place for honeymooners as the city's flair most definitely has a hint of romance in it.

Number 4 - BahamasNassau, the capital, adds a grand British undertone to island life. Pink government buildings at Rawson Square (actually a circle) face cruise ships whose passengers are drawn to a day of duty-free shopping downtown. A new museum interpreting the colorful Junkanoo tradition is tucked at wharfside in the ships' shadows. Tiny pubs and restaurants dot Nassau's narrow side streets. And a bustling straw market houses hundreds of vendors ready to bargain with souvenir merchandise. You can even catch a ride on a horse drawn carriage.Cross the bridge to Paradise Island where beaches are first-class and the resort selection is excellent -- from upscale chic on stately estate grounds, to a yoga retreat, condo facilities (great for family vacations), and large luxury properties (one with a glass tunnel for viewing marine life and a low-key water park). Activity abounds at every turn. Paradise Island has an excellent golf course and its own small airport.Grand Bahama, with resort development at both Freeport and Lucaya, has the same features on a smaller scale. Golf, tennis, watersports and duty-free shopping are popular and plentiful. And the island moves at a leisurely pace.

Number 3 - Venice, Italy Venetians will host you in elegance, talented musicians and singers will serenade you at candlelit dinner tables, and you can recline in a gondola with your love, gliding gently along an enchanted Venetian canal. Join Goethe, Byron, Dickens, Rousseau, Rubinstein and many more artists, musicians, poets world travelers, adventurers and other seekers of culture and comfort who found a place of inspiration and refuge in Venice.

Number 2 - Rome, Italy Rome has scores of beautiful romantic lanes, restaurants and parks. However, lovers may find that crowds can be off-putting, and the tourist industry leads them away from the quainter local corners. Try escaping the crowds down the small medieval lanes leading from the busy squares - around both Campo de' Fiori and Piazza Navona there are plenty of pretty corners where you can escape the worst of the crowds. Wandering along these lanes arm-in-arm is a romantic experience in itself, but you could add to the moment by visiting some of the smaller bars and restaurants you'll find here, catering for locals as well as tourists.

Number 1 - Paris, FranceIt is recommended that everyone visits Paris atleast once in a lifetime...For the city is unique in its style and the restaurents with tents overhead are a treat to watch and relax...and if you have a good companion with you that will add to the fun ..one will definately fall in love with the city with its charm and romantic feeling. There is certainly romance in the air of this famous city.

You've seen the scene in almost every romance set in Paris: a couple embraces for a deep kiss on a bridge overlooking the Seine River. There's a reason filmmakers use this image. It's wonderfully romantic. Take your honey to the nearest bridge, walk to the center and get smooching. Fancy a French kiss anyone?

And if you're still wondering, yes, I will bring you to all these places babe!

Sick! Sick!

I hope it is not swine flu!! Symptoms: Feverish, dry throat, feeling hot, headaches.

Well, it all started when 2 months ago when I joined the US stock markets which opens from 9.30am to 5.00pm US time. Thats 12.30am till 7.00am Australian time. For two months, I spent my nites and mornings trading ficticious funds courtesy of Credit Suisse. I'll blog about that soon, but the whole point is that wow, 2 months of shifting your sleep patterns does make your head go nuts.

Things got worse 2 days ago when the weather got wonky. Probably thats why they call it under the weather. The outside temperature was going cookoo. The mercury touched 28 degrees celcius and everyone was either taking their clothes off or heading to the pool in their bikinis!

Anyway, that nite,I made the fateful mistake of chewing mint gum! Okay, here's the bad thing about gum. Although it keeps your breath fresh, you would not want to chew it at night as it contains phenylalanine, a chemical which keeps you awake, make you anxious and gives you insomnia. Right, so I did my chewing and in the middle of that, I was juggling studying with Rubik's cube when suddenly I bit my mouth! Ouch.

When i decided to go to bed, not only was it too warm with the windows fully open, the effects of the gum started kicking in. From 2am till 6am i lied on my bed. Feeling anxious and letting the world go through my head. My eyes were tired, but the mind would not stop thinking. The anxiety just kept growing. At 4am, unfortunately, some birds decided to wake up to greet the sunlight(daylight savings time in the summer) And, lucky me, my room is on the 3rd floor and my balcony is right in front of the trees. Great, I did not know that birds can sing so loud! Funny enough, this only happens when there is fog.

Fine, so I got up at 6am and decided to go for a walk around the uni. The most desolate feeling ever. The sound of the traffic lights greeted me on the roads. (In Australia, traffic lights make knocking noise!) Not a soul or a car in sight. I took some pictures cause Melbourne is seldom foggy. By 7.00am, I was alredy in my room making breakfast. Some catching up with the newspaper, and by 8am, I was dead on the bed. By 12pm, my hunger pangs woke me up for lunch and the day resumed.

That night, I made another mistake. My housemate brought back a bag of dried chilli. I miss chilli but I gues putting a large pinch into a small bowl of soup is not a good idea. Checking up on the mouth i bit, I has now become an infected ulcer and I can feel my immune system waging war on the foreign organisms invading. Talk about a series of unfortunate events.

Time to hit the sack!

Understanding men and women

Specially dedicated to my babe!

We have been together since Jan 24th 2004 and going strong!

To all the guys out there, this is to you all! (Starts a speech: I have a dream.....)

Ladies, have you ever stared at your guy in disbelief at the remark he made? You love him so much but sometimes he just doesn’t make sense. Or have you ever wanted to kill him for not understanding why he is such an insensitive pain in the neck? There have been TOOOO many articles relating to pleasing her but little accurate or informative articles relating to understanding him, save the market hungry top 10 lists that aim to do no more than sell women's magazines. Hopefully this will give a break to the guys and girls out there! Note: this article focuses more on the male of the species, so please don’t get offended if you feel that your gender is under represented here!

Why men and women behave the way they do
Pyramid vs Peer Group
Winner vs Warmer
Me vs We
Focus vs Multitask
Headlines vs Details
Bringing upvs bringing down
Flexibility vs Independence
Literal vs Implied meaning

Hope you enjoyed this article! Special thanks to my one and only Babe for being the best girlfriend a guy can ever have. I'll see you in 30 more days so just hold on dear!

Page 1/1 ...........................Next: Introduction


Last updated 29th October 2009

Literal meaning vs Implied meaning

When women say something, it's the tip of the iceberg.

When was the last time your girl said, "You don’t understand me"? and goes off feeling sad? Men and women communicate differently as men tend to me more direct and specific while women tend to hide their true message under a blanket of words and emotion. Women tend to imply and draw conclusions. Here's an example:

Husband: I am going to the corner store to get a tool box.
Wife: Oh could, you drop by the grocery shop next door and get me some onions.
Husband: But, I am going to the corner store to get a tool box.
Wife: I have so many things to do, why can't you just be useful and help me do just that.
Husband: But, I am going to the corner store to get a tool box!!
and an argument starts......

Okay, here's the underlying meaning,
Husband: He really wants to go to the corner store to get a tool box!! That is all that is in his mind and he is too focused on it to do anything else. In his head, are the simplified headlines: TOOLBOX at CORNER SHOP.

and here is what the woman is actually saying

Wife: Oh could, you drop by the grocery shop next door and get me some onions.
What she mean: the grocery shop is on the way, you could save me some time so that after that we could have more you and me time. While you are at the shop, please get me that box of chocolates and flowers cause it has been sometime since you got me a present. I would love you so much more for that and I will give you your reward for that!

Wife: I have so many things to do, why can't you just be useful and help me do just that.
What she means: I am feeling really exhausted with all this tasks. I have been doing the dishes, ironing, cleaning cooking, making sure the kids are all ready for school. I need attention from you right now.A hug would be good and I want you to make me feel better. You could make me feel better by lessening my burden so that we can enjoy our time later. (And the implied meaning can go on and on. It's scary when i think of it)

The morals, need I say more??? Think this one for yourself and good luck!!

But just in case, here is something to take home:
Guys: Look for the hidden meaning behind her worlds. Its not easy at all but it’s a skill that should be learnt. The best way is to be nice! Do something that will make a whole room of girls go,”Awwww” and she will be yours for life.

Girls: Please be patient with guys. When a guys say something, that’s all he means. Nothing else. There is no implication to that. I don’t think men are that complicated to imply things yet.

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Flexibility vs Independence

Men strive for freedom in many aspects of their lives. They aspire to be the boss, to have that new gadget that no one else has and to define himself in his own unique way. It is obvious how this behavior benefits the society. Just browse through the history books and realise that independence of many countries were led by men. Yet in this modern world when there is little war or violence, the need for independence is is hard to be satisfied, so men seize any opportunity that they can to be exactly that.

Women on the other hand prefer flexibility. Oh, an eyeliner that has a built in brush and curler, or a store that has so much variety of shops, shopping time! Well, since ancient times, women have been tasked with gathering for the community, in markets and on the plains, flexibility has been built into them to function well as home maker and this skill has seen them rise up the corporate ladder faster that mushrooms in the rain. The outcome of this is, women nowadays demand more than their ancestors.

Ladies: This means that sometimes, the only opportunity to gain independence is in the relationship. Let him do what he has to and appreciate him for it. Show him that you are thankful for what he has done for you.

And to all the men out there: Yeah, it kinda sux having this need for independence. I guess the only way to be independent is to literarily be independent. I could use some tips on this myself, but one thing is for sure: She has the potential to do great things, just give her the motivation and create the mood. You will thank her and love her more if you when you see her true potential.

Back................Page 9/10..............Next: Literal vs Implied meaning

Bringing up vs bringing down

When a girl is sad, her girl friends will try to cheer her up by saying this such as, "It's okay, everything will be just fine" etc. The female of the species has a supportive community where everyone tries to bring each other up. On the other hand, guys will taunt and attempt to bring each other down. How many times have you heard name calling like, "Smelly boy" or you "Nerdy boy" amongst boys? The sort of communication aims at improving the other person. The reward for improving is respect. More often than not, these boys grow up to be friends. However, when men and women exchange support and try to bring each other up in their different ways, suddenly the intended meaning is lost in the translation. This goes hand in hand with apologizing. Men come equipped with a really big ego, so saying sorry really takes more effort than you think.

As for women, the way that one woman knows another woman is down is if she is sad. She will know how to comfort her and say nothing. Whereas, a man might offer solutions to a girls problems, when all she needs is for him to shut up and accept it just the way it is. Men usually get wrong signals when women are upset. He will think that there are some things that need to be fixed. He does not know what his girl truly needs. So sulking every other time and expecting the man to bow his head down and give you the red carpet treatment to your heart is like playing with a dragon, dangerous business. There are other ways to seek attention than trying to humble him.

Lesson for guys: Keep your tongue in check when you talk to your girl. There are some things that you should not say to her that you say to your guy friends. Remember, she is sensitive and may misunderstand your joke or humour as insensitivity. Trying to be funny will usually work with friends but make sure you think before you talk. She craves attention and the brining up, so be generous with your efforts in giving attention. When she is down, stop offering solutions as there is usually no problem to fix. She just need your shoulders and comforting. After that, she will be back to her usual lovely self.

Girls: If he slips, understand why he behaves that way and its natural. He might say things that maybe hurtful, but he might just be joking or trying to be funny. Take his remarks with a pinch of salt and tell him if he is it is starting to get annoying. Trying to get his attention by expecting him to be humble is not something you should do often. It takes a toll on his ego and he feels subordinated and will seek to take you down with him. You need attention, but what you might get is detention. When you are down, tell him that you are feeling down without blaming too much on him (unless he is to blame).

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Headlines vs Details

Ever wondered why he doesn’t even realise how much effort you put into fitting into that dress and making up to look good? And all he says is, “You look beautiful tonight". And guys look in disbelief when their girl instead of smiling, responds with a frown, "Is that all?". Don’t you just hate to be in that position guys? When looking for information, men usually take one look and absorb all he needs to, via a picture, a headline or a symbol, where as women when seeking information, require the details on who, when, how, what etc. Simplifying the complicated is a vital tool for men to function. Without making things simple, understanding is made complex and the most intricate things in the world would not be understood. ALL scientific theories have SIMPLE underlying assumptions and principles and the most beautiful manmade creations, are usually the simplest. For instance, the current theory of everything: String theory which assume that everything is made of very small vibrating strings in 13 dimensions, sublimely simple escape!!. This probably has to do with the fact that nature has been casting out genes in the Y chormosome =(.

Women however are more a complex creation. They can spend hours upon hours doing their hair, makeup, foundation, mascara, trimming, and the list goes on. Their keen eye for detail is thought to be important for early gatherers. It would have been advantageous for these women to notice the subtle differences between this fruit and that root. So much so that women have a 6th sense that would scarealmost every other guy. Notice how women, when they meet they go "I love those earrings and that heels match your bracelet, I got it at... with my friend and my mum and we were out doing this and ......".(Guys, I caught you looking at the time) She sees things that he does not notice. (Actually is more about men being ignorant and seeing less, I have to admit). Her eye for detail makes it important for everything to be in order, hence now, almost 40% of world managers are women!!! In fact 100% of women who become mothers are managers!! They manage the home, the kids and the husband.

In light of this, men: take notice of all, even the smallest detail and every effort she has put in for you, tangible or intangible, for she will be grateful. Thank the stars for you woman (and you mum while you are at it) for it is no menial task juggling all the emotion and the responsibilities. ALWAYS, ALWAYS appreciate her because she is important (or will be important in your life.. Thank you Babe!).

Women: I guess men are disadvantaged at this, so bear with us. We need practice to notice the important details! We still love you none the less.

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Focus vs Multitask

Shh!! Do not disturb!

Have you always wanted to get his attention, only to find that he is not attentive at all? The majority of men, when performing a task, tend to be more focused at the task at hand. Think of it, when the prehistoric men were out hunting in a group, the men would require great concentration while aiming their spears in the eyes of the sabretooth cat! Meow! Just look at all the professions we have today, brain surgeons, electronic engineers, accountants… all these roles are really specific and they require the person to focus. Imagine tasking a brain surgeon with plumbing. Not a good idea. Similarly, expecting a guy to email you, write letters, give you a present, pick you up for dinner etc all together coupled with his already hectic life and you will only get heart ache.

Surprisingly, women have adapted to multitasking, performing various tasks together and they have the mental capacity to actually do it. Research shows that women of all ancient civilizations hold the responsibility of home maker, nurse, teacher, grocer, cook and many more. (I guess = MUM) Give a woman a list of five things to do, and you can expect the bottom four things to be completed if they can be multitasked. She will say, “Oh, I could iron while I am waiting for the soup to cook”. A man on the other hand will probably start from the top. If the task requires focus, it won’t be surprising if he returns with only the first task crossed off. He will put all his effort into getting the most important thing done and may even get engrossed in it.

So guys: When your girl needs your attention (and she will need it a lot), give her some quality time where you can focus on her needs and only her. Turn off the games or your favorite channel if you owe her a dose of attention. Attention to her is like a leaky bucket and must be filled consistently!

Ladies: If you desperately want a guy’s undivided attention, make sure that there are no distractions which might make his mind wander off. Also, understand the need for him to focus and do not over load his system. If there are many things you want, split them into manageable portions. When he is engrossed in something, do not spoil his focus as it will ruin his concentration and he will most likely blame it on you, whether he says it out loud or not. Instead, ask him first if he has time for you, or ask him for some of his time by telling him you really need it.

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Me vs We

Men generally are soloists where as women see themselves as ensemble players. A man usually want to do things alone and gain satisfaction from accomplishing something on his own. He wants to stand out from the rest and feel special. He will attempt with all this might and power to perform a task and will only ask another man for help when he is unable to. Seeking another man’s help is patronising him and the person who asks feels delighted to receive his knowledge while the other man feels important as he can convey value to his friend. They both become closer!

However, if a girl offers him help, he will feel incompetent. Women however, live on the basis of "we". They tend not to leave people out and think about what is important for the group or the couple. They want what is best to maintain the relationship where possible. Indeed, women are better at organising people, for example a class and HR, a skill that has been handed down to them from generations of practice.

So guys: Remember to thank and recognise how your girl has thought about you both. Make the fact that “We” is more important than “Me” and you will find that you she will love you more for it!

Girls: Accept that a guy wants to do his best especially when he loves you. Sometimes there are things a guy has to do that a guy has to do. Support him by acknowledging that him and offer help but not to push help to him.

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Winner vs warmer

Simultaneously the source of mankind's greatest strength and his greatest weakness (Have a think about it). Men prove their worth through competition and obstacles and this have brought us to the world we now live. It is in our genes to challenge each other. Careful not to let your challenges go out of control or you might be proven wrong. Not uncommon to hear a conversation between guys:

Guy A: I was thinking of getting this phone, it does this and that... (and a second guy tries to outdo the first by showing off what he knows)
Guy B: Yeah, I have read the review on this website, say that this phone is not user friendly ....... (and a third outdos all)
Guy C: I was testing out this phone because my greatgranduncle knows the manager at this company and it was not up to my expectation because of…

Which leaves A and B to patronize C. This would seem like mumbo jumbo to women, but this is exactly how men communicate and form bonds! This is how we exchange information and learn new things, whereas women usually aim to do their best at their game and make sure each other player has got their fair turn. For men to win, you must lose and it is evident in places like the share market or the football match! Even at home, how many times have mothers screamed, "You have to share, boy!" to that little boy. He is just acting on the most primitive instinct. Ever wonder why guys spend hours upon hours and tons of cash playing games which shows a big WINNER sign when it is done? Now you know .

In contrast, women are warmers, as in they want everyone to be in the game and they would sacrifice their effort and time to bring other up to have their fair chance. This way, everyone would not be left out. When your group has only two people, It is important to keep your girl company or she will be left out. Long distance relationship really removes the we out of we. She wants a piece of the game, a slice of your life. Deny her that and bad things will follow.

The moral for women: Please don’t get offended when we can’t control out instinct in an argument. Remind him, and keep reminding him (Yeah, men are forgetful) that “me” has become “we”.

The moral for men: Give as much attention as you can to your girl. She would give the world to be by your side and even more for you. Take good care of her heart and the rewards are boundless!

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Pyramid vs Peer group

The social structure of men is a pyramid, where the leader occupies the top niche and the less dominant males occupy the bottom. The benefit of such a social structure is realized in how humanity has managed to build civilizations from the ground up. Leadership and rank has always been and is a norm in armies and the world's leading corporations. When the stature of men is established, it is easy to control the activities of a group and thus achieve a desired outcome. By forming a pyramid, all members benefit by associating with the group. How familiar is this? One boy could threaten another, "I have a big brother and he will get angry if you don't do what I say..." This leads most men to desire power and control. Especially, when the pyramid has only two people, it becomes quite hard for the man when his authority is challenged.

However, women prefer to form peer groups which each member is nearly the stature as each of her sisters. Take a herd of elephants for example. They are all female! The head of the group is the oldest female, which lead the close knit community and decide where to go. The males live solitary lives and only meet the females to mate. Sad no? Anyway, the whole idea of flat social structure is that everyone helps each other. The most famous matriarch is no doubt Oprah. She created a worldwide peer group for women and this reflects the one of the differences between men and women.

Moral for men: Keep you desire for control in check, sometimes is okay to say sorry to your girl. Remember, she wants to do what is best for the “group”.
Moral for women: Learn to recognise this urge to control, then decide whether to give or to take away the power.

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Why men and women behave the way they do?

The moment men and women found their roles of survival in cavemen times, it was the moment they began to diverge in the way they behave. There was a need for the hunt and the need to nurse the young. The most effective way was required to ensure the survival of early nomadic tribes. Decisions have to be made on which mammoth to bring down and how the daily game was to be split amongst the children and women. Early must have women found that it would be beneficial to maintain social integrity by helping out the clan but sharing food and helping other raise their young. Survival of the fittest also mattered, and men achieve it through competition and this hierarchy maintains order in a community. The following contains excerpts from the work of author Martha Barletta (2003) and John Gray plus a dash of my own experience.


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Anonymous

Fire and Insomnia

Have you ever had a series of unfortunate events? After a long time of not meeting, I suddenly felt insomnia creeping up to me. Here is the story of my series of unfortunate events. Btw, this was typed partially on my iPhone!

One saturday, the Aussie spring paid a surprise visit to Melbourne. The weather was so good that the residents of Rmit village decided to party. About 40 people jumped in the pseudo saltwater pool. About the pool, it was supposed to be a fresh water pool. But I guess with people or students who just jump in wearing their undershorts, the pool became kinda disgusting. Worse of all Melbourne is having water restrictions and changing swimming pool water is illegal. So, what hapens when u add more stuff to a pool while the water evaporate? What more, some parts of melbourne have been drought stricken for as long as ten years! So, get a bunch of hormone filled Americans and a pool, instant party! I swear I won't enter that pool ever unless the water is changed!

Then, from 7pm to midnight, some guy brought out has dj set and speakers to his balcony to play music for 500 residents. I was trying to complete an assignment but alas, the guy was living directly below my unit! Sui! After hours of headache and high blood pressure, i finally got to sleep.

I was far away dreaming when I heard the music playing again. I thought to myself: WTF... It was 2 am. I went to my balcony preparing to swear, but as I came back to earth, it wasn't music, it was the fire alarm! Down I went to the fire exit where I met Alex, equally dazed. When we went out:

2 fire engines, 500 residents and a AU$1700 fine! Poor guy.

After that, back to sleep. Barely an hour of twisting and turning, my roomie decides to come back wasted. The toilet was noisy and here u go:
Right.. so i decided not to sleep through the night, and theres when my problem was solved! You can't get insomnia if you dont try to sleep!

iPhoned

Introducing the new iPhone 3Gs!

Guess who has got one! Probably as a gift for myself for actually maintaning my grades in second year. Yeah, just entered a 12 month contract with Optus for a 32GB white iPhone 3Gs! A$100 per month. So it does so many things like have super calendars, super alarms, and all the fuuny things that you can dream about. Applications are many and free to download from iTunes with a lil bit of hassle. Only problem with the iPhone is that it hates PCs. Needs a program to do every little thing like upload pictures to the computer. Silly Apple vs Microsoft business.

Handphones has been in the market over 20 years now. I has been a bitter sweet story in owning handsets. The first ever handphone i had was a Nokia 5110 back in 2000. At that time, not many people had handphones yet and they were on post paid basis. This state of the art handphone featured a 1.4 inch green light LCD screen, and the nokia tune we all grew up to. Note the antenna that is revolutionary compared to the Tai Kor Tai that used to be pulled out. It was certainly useful for calling and thats it! Simple and sweet.

The next phone I got was in 2001. It was a Kyocera but older than this model below. It featured a blue 1 inch screen! yay.. Calls, messages...who needs more? Plus, it was super small and super light weight, that it can be kept in the shoes during a spot check in class!In 2002, Nokia upgraded their 5210 series and wow. This lil baby comes in full rubber skin that could be changed. Was really useful cause i tend to drop my phone. I had a yellow LCD screen but the size was still the same. What set it apart was the fact that the antenna is now missing! and the it was one of the first phones to come with a vibrate mode! I remember there was a craze about making monotonic ringtones from the ringtone editor. Hours were also spent playing Snake! Note of caution: the phone despite its appearance, is NOT water proof. My bro found out the hard way.

For my 16th birthday, I requested from my parents a new phone and so i got this:Don't really know why Nokia phones followed a fattening trend but the 6600 was one of the first smart phones in the market. 32MB of space, bluetooth, infrared, 2G even.. with the best screen at the time, with really good camera and a 2 inch display. It also had a small joystick, with all the nifty features. Only issue was that the phone was quite heavy and bulky but smooth at the same time, so it tends to slip out of grip. I have not much memory of this phone as it was the only phone i lost. Lesson learnt: Never go out cycling with a really expensive phone and really cheap trousers.

Thats how i ended up with this phone in 2004. The Nokia 3200. I am still using it now and I guess when tough times call, compromise. This lil phone just refuses to die. After 6 years of torture, it is still functioning really well. It has been 6 years since i got a new phone, and I always wonder has the lesson been learnt? Featuring 1MB of memory, infrared, an economical camera, and a modest screen, I still keep it beside me. The buttons took some getting use to but after 6 years, no probs.

Here are the biggest competitors to the iPhone that I was considering an I might just out of curiosity. Might get them when i get enough cash. The Nokia N97. The flagship phone of Nokia and the latest of the super successful N series, 32GB space and 256MB RAM, its just like a small computer. The price tag is huge, need I say more?

Like any good market, competition is just around the corner and Samsung promises the next generation of smart phones to be their making. The Omnia HD i1890 is the latest in the Omnia series. It is comparable to the iPhone and the N97 but with significantly more firepower, including its superb Samsung screen and speakers, and its camera features including time lapse and slow motion! What other phone can do that?

Have your pick!

Melbourne: RMIT Village

Zzzzz.. Peace in the dark... and barely enough time to realise that time has passed, the bright morning sunshine blasts its way into my room.
Ah yes, the winter sunshine, turn on my 20 inch LCD TV to watch the weather forcast for today: Windy with sun, rain, clouds and clear skies!@#!@!? No joke.. Melbourne city is famous for its 4 season weather in a day. Right beside the TV are some pics of me and BB. Could not paste on the red wall cause the material makes spiderman's sticky webbing look like teflon over a well waxed leg. It just won't stick.

Happen to love my table cause its approximately 1 by 2 meters, giving me all the table space i need. Notice the glass... water is important for health cause it gets very dry due to the

'drought' and wind. Some places in australia has not had rain in 10 years! So a glass of water is always there to remind me to take more fluids.

I look at my bed right after I wake up:

GG.. well, kidding, thats before I sleep. Before I get out of bed, it looks something like this:

Now thats better.. Sometimes i feel like just wanting to stay in bed the whole day. Other times i get out on the wrong side of the bed. I even hit my head once on the top! Well, now that i dragged my fat lazy bum off the bed, what's next? Obviously it will be time for some hygiene. Fancy a 4 minute shower? Thats what australians do.. Due to water restrictions, people here take 4 minute baths! and they have a small hourglass (which drops all the sand in 4 mins). The bath tub is just for show until further notice. If not, fancy a dip in the village pool right below my unit:

So far I have only seen 2 people use the pool, wise for everyone else cause although the pool is heated, the 30 second walk back inside will be freezzzing!! The Village also has a 'gym' which says it all, cause its not a gymnasium.. just call it a gym cause its so small, that you cant stretch to save your life in there!

There is a small kitchen to use but a large fridge. The most interesting thing is that the village has 1 iron and ironing board! and I'm off to use it!

Now that i'm clean, time to visit the city. The roads in Melbourne are so well planned, that it looks like a giant Tic Tac Toe board from the air:

For an exchange student like me, I get 50% discount on most things, including fares and entrance fees to most places!

More to come soon in the next part!